Why I Ask Clients Not To Tell Me Anything Before We Start

A grandfather showed up in a kitchen with spaghetti and meatballs and a bundle of cash in his pocket. His granddaughter knew exactly who he was before I finished the sentence. Her grandfather had been in the Italian mob. I knew none of that going in, and that's exactly why the reading worked.

In this episode:

• Why staying silent before a reading keeps the channel clean
• What happens when nervous energy makes a client spill everything anyway
• The grandfather story, in full
• Why you need to stop Googling your medium before a session
• Open versus closed energy, and what it changes about what Spirit can bring through

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Transcript

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Hello, my friends, and welcome back to another episode of Seriously Dead. I'm so happy to be back in this space. I literally just returned from an incredible spirit sisters trip that we've been doing for a few years now in Lilydale, New York. And I am still processing it and integrating it. And things have happened since I've returned home that I want to capture and share. So as things come in, I write them down and I will be pulling together an episode really soon about all the magical things that happened. But until then, today we're going to talk about why I ask clients not to tell me anything before we start. I know sometimes they sit down in that chair and they are so nervous and so excited and so hopeful that they start to just say all these things. And I am politely trying to ignore what they say so that I can channel in what spirit has to say. So let's dive in. A client who had recently sat down across from me, and before I could even open my eyes to begin, a grandfather came through. He was in a kitchen, spaghetti and meatballs on the stove, and he had a huge bundle of cash in his pocket. I shared exactly what I was seeing: the kitchen, the food, the cash, all of it. And she started to smile. And then her eyes filled with tears because she knew exactly who it was. Her grandfather had been in the adob. I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know her name or her family name or anything about this person she was hoping to hear from. Because that is how I like to work. I asked my clients not to tell me anything before we start, and that's exactly why. So let me explain what actually happens when a client shares information before a reading begins. As a medium, my job is to be a clear channel, to step out of the way and let spirit come through without my human mind interfering with what is being delivered. And honestly, I'm pretty good at that. But here's the thing about being human. When I know what someone wants, I am immediately aware of it. And that awareness, even when I'm doing everything in my power to set it aside, creates this kind of static in the channel. Not because I would deliberately tell someone what they want to hear, because knowing what a client is hoping for can subtly change the way I interpret what spirit is bringing through. It can make me more likely to lean into certain details and less likely to sit with the others. It can make the reading about delivering an expectation rather than delivering a truth. And the whole point is delivering the truth. Spirit does not need me to know anything about a client before we begin. Spirit is not waiting for context or background or briefing on who the client is and what they are hoping to hear. Spirit already knows all of that. And spirit is going to come through with exactly what needs to be said, regardless of what I know and what I don't know. The less I know, the clearer the channel. The clearer the channel, the more undeniable the reading can be. And the more undeniable the reading can be, the more clearly you as a client can receive what spirit actually wants you to hear rather than what you were hoping to get out of the session. This is not about making a reading feel more mysterious or impressive. This is about integrity and making sure that everything that comes through a session is coming from spirit and not from a human mind that has been given a roadmap. Now I want to be really, really clear about something because I think it will make every nervous person who comes and sits in front of me or in front of any medium a little less alone. Clients can talk. It's okay. Not because they are trying to give information or influence the reading, because sitting down across from a medium is an emotionally charged experience. There is grief in the room before we begin. There is hope and sometimes fear and the weight of everything they have been carrying since they lost their person. Sometimes all of it comes out in the moment they sit down. They start talking, nervous energy, filling the silence, saying things they didn't plan to say. I want to acknowledge them. I let them know I hear them. And then I gently say something like, let's see what spirit has to say, or let's get started with spirit. Even though my humanness at times hears them, I'm really trying my best to put that filter between me and them up so that I can't retain the conversation in order to really keep the space and the channel clear for spirit. Spirit comes through with something so specific, so completely unrelated to anything the client just said, that it immediately establishes the reading. It's not being built on the information that the client shared. It's being built on something entirely different. It's being built on the agenda that spirit has and not that you have. That's when the tears come. Not the nervous tears, but the recognition tears. The one that means spirit is here. And spirit knows something only they could know. I want to go back to the story I opened with because I feel like this was such a powerful reading. When this client sat down, and before we even formally began, the grandfather came through immediately, strongly, and with complete clarity. He was in the kitchen. I could see that specifically. I saw him at the stove, the smell of the food, those spaghetti and meatballs. And he had this bundle of cash in his pocket, not wallet, a bundle, the kind of cash that doesn't come from a regular paycheck. I shared all of it exactly as it came through. The kitchen, the food, the cash, the specific energy of this man who felt larger than life, even from spirit. And she started smiling before I even finished the sentence. Not the polite smile of someone trying to be encouraging, the smile of someone who has just been completely seen, who recognized exactly who I was describing before I even finished describing him. And then her tears came. Because her grandfather had been in a mob. I had no idea. She had not told me anything. There was no prior information that could have pointed me in that direction. No context, no clue, just a grandfather who showed up in that kitchen with spaghetti and meatballs and the bundle of cash. This is what happens when the channel is clean, when there is no prior information cluttering the space between me and spirit. When I come in completely open and spirit comes through completely themselves, the reading becomes undeniable. Not because I'm impressive, but because spirit is. And that grandfather was not impressive in spite of the mob connect. He was impressive because of it, because he showed up exactly as he was with the kitchen, with the food, with the cash. That was so completely specific to his life that his granddaughter knew exactly who he was. That is spirit, showing up as themselves with no performance and no fillers and no attempt to be something more than they actually are. And that reading only happened the way it happened because I didn't know anything. I want to describe something for you that I experience in almost every reading. And hopes this helps you understand what is actually happening on my side of the table while the energy you bring into the session matters so much. I can feel whether a client is open or closed before they even say a single word. Close energy has a very specific quality. The client struggles to make eye contact, they keep a poker face throughout the session. When spirit brings through something and I ask if it connects or resonates, they barely even acknowledge. A small nod, a non-committal maybe, the absolute minimum response that keeps them in control of what they are giving away. And I understand where that energy comes from. It is self-protection. It is the wall that grief or skepticism or a previous experience that didn't go well has built around this person. It is part of them that desperately wants to connect, but is too afraid of being disappointed again to fully open the door. But here's what closed energy does to a reading: it makes everything harder. Not impossible. Spirit will still come through. The information is still real and specific and undeniable. But the client cannot receive it clearly because they are so focused on protecting themselves from being fooled that they cannot let what's actually happening land. It is like trying to have a conversation with someone who has their hands over their ears. The words are being spoken, the message is real, but nothing is getting through. Now, on the flip side, open energy feels completely different. A client who comes with an openness leans forward, sometimes literally. Sometimes they are literally sitting on the edge of their chair before we even begin. They make eye contact, they smile when their loved ones show up, they let the tears come without trying to stop them. And when I share something that resonates, they say immediately, yes, because they're not protecting themselves from being seen. They came here to be seen. And spirit responds to that openness. When a client is open, the reading flows in a way that close energy simply does not. Spirit brings through more. The details are clearer, the message lands deeper because the receiver is fully present and fully ready to receive whatever comes through. This is not a coincidence. That is energy working exactly the way energy works. And here is what I want every person who has ever come to a reading with their guard up to hear. Your wall is understandable. Your self-protection makes complete sense given everything you have been through. And spirit's not going to punish you for it or give up on getting through. But the reading you are hoping for, the one where the person shows up undeniable and says exactly what you were hoping to hear, that reading is going to be much more available to you when you come open. When you decide before you even sit down that you are going to receive whatever comes through rather than protecting yourself from it. The guard is costing you the connection you came for. And your person in spirit is right there on the other side, waiting for you to put it down. So I want to talk about the other side of all of this because asking clients not to share information is not just about protecting the integrity of the reading, it's about protecting you. I want every person who has ever had a reading to understand this. Not every medium operates the way that I do. Not every person who calls themselves a medium is doing what I do. Some people who present themselves as mediums are very good at reading people, at picking up on cues, at using information a client shares consciously or unconsciously to build a reading that feels specific enough, but is actually built on what the client just told them. It's called a cold reading. And it's one of the reasons the industry has this credibility problem. I'll talk more about Lilydale in my journey at Lily Dale this year in another episode, but it was quite interesting seeing more of these cold readings than I had ever seen before. When a medium asks you not to share anything before a reading begins, they are doing two things. They are protecting the integrity of the channel, and they are protecting you from any possibility that what comes through is being built on information that you provided. When I come in knowing nothing, and spirit brings through a grandfather in a kitchen with spaghetti and meatballs and a bundle of cash, there is no version of that which could have been built from something you told me because you didn't tell me anything. That is the protection the clean channel offers. And here's what I want you to take from this when you are choosing a medium. Pay attention to how the medium begins the session. Pay attention to whether they ask you questions before you start sharing. Pay attention to whether what comes through is specific enough that it could not have been built from something you accidentally said. A medium who asks you not to tell them anything is not being difficult or mysterious or deeply woo-woo. A medium who asks you not to tell them anything is doing the most important thing they can do to make sure what comes through in your session is real. They are protecting themselves from knowing anything that could possibly alter or shift the reading. So what can you do to prepare for a reading? If you cannot tell me anything before we start, that's what you can do to prepare for a reading. But let's talk about a few other things. The first is come with an open heart rather than a specific agenda. The more fixed you are on specific outcomes, the harder it is for spirit to deliver anything outside of that expectation. Come in with an open heart rather than a closed one. Be ready to receive whatever spirit brings through rather than waiting for the one thing you decided that they needed to tell you. The second is to do a little energetic preparation before you arrive. Take a breath. Spend a few quiet minutes before the session just being still. Not rehearsing what you want to say or going over the list of things you hope spirit addresses, but just breathe, letting the nervous energy settle and create space for your own field and for the connection to land. The third is to trust the pull that brought you to this reading in the first place. You found this medium, you felt something when you did, you booked the appointment, and none of that was random. That was your intuition working. And your intuition does not need Google to validate it. Trust it, show up, and let Spirit do the rest. The fourth is to come ready to be surprised. The best readings I've ever done have surprised both me and the client. Spirit shows up as themselves in a way nobody expected and delivered something that they could not have planned or prepared for. A grandfather, the spaghetti, the meatballs, the bundle of cash did not come from a script. He came from spirit showing up exactly as he was. No filter, no performance, and just himself. And that's the reading you want. And it only happens when you are open enough to receive it. If you walk away today with one thing from this episode, let it be this. The less I know going in, the more spirit can bring through. And what spirit brings through when the channel's completely clean is always more specific and undeniable and more meaningful than anything that could have ever been built from information you share. Stop Googling your medium and trust the poll that brought you here. Come with this open heart and open mind. Sit on the edge of your chair if you need to. Let the tears flow and let spirit show up as himself. Because a grandfather in the kitchen with the spaghetti meatballs and a bundle of cash showed up because that channel was open and spirit had the room to be exactly who he was. That is what is available to you when you trust the process. Your person has something to say. Give spirit the space to say it. All right, my friends, let's not keep this one in the vault. Share it with someone who has had a reading or questioned a reading or has a reading coming up and wants to know how they can get the most out of it. I love hearing from you guys. Tag me on Instagram, send me a DM at spiritual underscore medium underscore Jenny, or leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. I would be honored. I read them and I cherish every single one of them. And if you want to start to build your own connection to spirit, grab my free guide to meditation. You can find that at jenishanks.com slash discover. Or if you're really ready to deepen the development of your intuition, grab my free guide at jenishanks.com slash five. That's F I V E. I'll be back next week with another episode of Seriously Dead. Until then, stay open, stay curious, and remember the dead are not quite. You just have to learn to listen.