The Reading That Almost Made Me Quit

There was a reading that almost made me walk away from this work entirely. Not because something went wrong. Not because Spirit did not show up. But because what happened in that room was so raw, so deeply human, that I sat in my chair afterward and questioned everything.

Today I am sharing that story publicly for the first time. A mother who lost her teenage daughter unexpectedly. A reading that cracked something open in me I thought I had already healed. And the email that arrived a few weeks later that changed the way I approach this work forever.

But I am not just sharing this for me. I am sharing this because I think what I learned sitting in that chair is something every person carrying grief right now needs to hear.

Discomfort is not a sign to stop. Sometimes discomfort is the evidence that something real and necessary is happening.

What You Will Learn In This Episode

• Why the most profound healing almost always happens inside the most uncomfortable moments
• What changed in Jenny's practice after the reading that almost made her quit
• Why your loved one in Spirit is not trying to reopen your wound, but heal one

Free Resource

Ready to take the first step toward hearing from your loved one in Spirit clearly? Grab Jenny's free guided meditation at jennyshanks.com/discover and learn the difference between your ego and your intuition.

Connect With Jenny

Website: jennyshanks.com 

Instagram: @spiritual_medium_jenny 

Book a Reading: jennyshanks.com/services

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Seriously Dead. I'm Jenny Shanks, a spiritual medium, and I talk to dead people for a living. This podcast is your beyond the grave look at what your loved ones in spirit actually want you to know. And spoiler alert, after 10 years of doing this work, here's the truth. Your spirit family wants you to know they're okay and you are too. How do I know? Because the dead are a lot of things, but one thing they're not is quiet. So get comfortable before you press play because we're getting seriously dead with your loved ones in spirit right now. Welcome back to Seriously Dead. If you have made it to episode three, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have loved sharing and reflecting on these stories with spirit and making the connection with spirit more normal. Today is going to be a bit of a different story I share though. And it's because I haven't publicly talked about it before. Not because I'm shameful or embarrassed or overwhelmed by it, but often when I sit in sessions with spirit and I close them out, that's the end of it. However, this particular story that I share today with Spirit is one that almost made me quit reading clients, hanging my hat as a medium and being done. And I've shared this with a few close friends, but many haven't heard it. But this particular reading on this particular day almost made me quit. Not because it went wrong, not because spirit didn't show up, but because what happened in that room was so deeply human, so raw and so painful that I walked away questioning everything as a medium. So today I'm sharing it with you because I think you deserve to know the real version of this work, the real version of me. I'm still human. And I think what I learned with that client that was sitting right in front of me after that reading is something that every single person going through grief needs to hear. Because here's the truth discomfort is not a sign to stop. Sometimes discomfort is the evidence that something real and necessary is happening. And I'm here to share my story with you today. This has been a few years ago, but a client came in, it was a mother who had lost her teenage daughter very unexpectedly. No signs, no symptoms, nothing. And her daughter was gone. The kind of loss that has no roadmap, no logical explanation, no way to make sense of any of it in this human world. From the moment she sat down, I could feel the weight of what she was carrying. And I'll be fully honest with you about something. One of the things that I teach and preach, both to myself as a medium and to my students that come through my mastermind program, is the importance of strong boundaries, energetic boundaries and emotional boundaries. And the ability to hold space for someone's pain without absorbing it as my own. And over the many years of doing this work, I have to say I've got some pretty strong boundaries that I'm pretty proud of. But that day, something happened. Her daughter came through and she loved to talk. Her spirit was so present and so clear and so specific. I was sharing everything that came through just as I would in a normal session. Oftentimes when I begin to channel, I look down or I close my eyes to eliminate one of my senses so that I can really focus on what spirit's channeling through me. Sometimes I'll peek open to write a few things down on my paper, but it's not until the point in which I feel that spirit has fully given me all the evidence that they want to share regarding who they are that I often open my eyes and look at the client. And at this point, when I opened my eyes and looked at this mother that was sitting right across from me, she was gasping for air from crying. I knew she knew who spirit was. But what happened in that moment to me was that my boundaries cracked. Not because I wasn't prepared. I was prepared for spirit, just as I would be for any other spirit coming in. But I wasn't prepared for her pain that was so deep, so human, and so completely raw that it moved through every single wall I had ever built. I could feel what that mother was feeling, the specific weight of a parent who had lost a child far too soon. And in that moment, all I wanted to do was stop talking. And I just wanted to get up and give her a hug and hold her, human to human, letting her know I felt her pain. But in true fashion of spirit, her daughter kept talking because her daughter had things to say and she wasn't done. So I kept going. Honoring our session, I continued to share everything that came through. And by the end of the session, I could feel the mother's gratitude. It was like the energy had shifted a bit. It was real by the way that she looked at me. However, it didn't touch the pain. And after we ended our session and I walked her out, I came back to my office and I sat down in my chair and I just sat there, overwhelmed with everything that had come through, overwhelmed with the pain this mother was experiencing, that I started to think, I don't know if I can keep doing this. Not because the reading was wrong, but because I felt like I had cracked open something in that mother that was already broken. Like bringing her daughter through had activated a pain that maybe should have just been left alone. It brought up my own grief that I had thought I'd worked through many years prior, related to the death of my aunt. Things that I thought I had released and no longer held in me painfully surfaced. And so that day I questioned everything. Whether this work was really helping or hurting, whether I was equipped to hold space for grief this profound, whether the right thing to do was walk away. I'd heard from many people over the years how helpful this was. But in that moment, I didn't believe any of it. I had continued seeing clients as they had scheduled, pausing any new clients from booking at that point, still questioning, was this the right thing to do? When I received an email, I saw the name come through and I thought to myself, I don't know if I have the human energy to open this. The pain that cracked open in that session, what if it comes through in this email? It was from the mother. And I knew I, as a human, was not sure I was ready to handle it. So the email sat for a few days. When I was finally in a space that I could open it and receive it, knowing in my human mind that it was possibly going to be painful. When I opened it, she told me that her reading had been one of the most powerfully healing experiences of her life. That hearing from her daughter had softened something in her pain that she had been carrying every single day since her loss. And that she felt her daughter again. And she knew she was okay. I'd read that email twice, and then I sat there, staring at my computer, processing the grief and pain I'd experienced through her reading, and the relief and somewhat joy I'd experienced through her email. Here's what I realized in that moment. That mother didn't just need that reading. That mother needed to hear from her daughter, and her daughter needed to come through. The discomfort I felt watching that mother cry was real. The pain in that room was real. But what I had interpreted as harm was actually healing happening right there in real time. And healing in real time is not always comfortable to witness. It is not always quiet or composed or neat. Sometimes healing looks like gasping for air in my office because your loved one in spirit just told you something that only the two of you would know. That reading that day changed me, and the email I got weeks later changed something even deeper within me. It made me realize this work is not entertainment. And I say that because legally in some states, I'm required to say this is for entertainment purposes only. But what happens in a reading, it's not entertainment. For some people, it is the most transformational experience in their life. And walking away from that because it was uncomfortable for me would have been the most selfish thing I could have ever done. And so I say, and boy, am I grateful that I did. I share this story with you today because maybe you've lost someone and the grief is so heavy, you are wondering, how are you supposed to keep going? Maybe you are in a season of life that's so uncomfortable and painful and relentless that you're questioning whether things will ever feel different again. Maybe you've been carrying something for so long that walking away from it feels like the only option left. I want to share something directly with you. Discomfort is not a sign to stop. I know that this is hard to hear when you're in the middle of it, when you're in the thick of it, when the pain is present and so loud that that is all you can feel. But here's what I know from someone who sits with grief every single day in my work. The most profound healing I've ever witnessed in a client has always happened on the other side of the most uncomfortable moment. That mother that was gasping for air in her grief was also being healed. Both things were true at the very same time. Grief is uncomfortable, loss is uncomfortable. Hearing from a loved one in spirit after carrying that loss alone can be the most uncomfortable thing. But it can also be one of the most healing experiences someone ever has. And the discomfort doesn't mean it's wrong. The discomfort means it's real. Life is uncomfortable. And in the moments that crack us open, crack us to the widest expansion that we possibly can be cracked, are very often the moments that let the most light in. Your loved one in spirit is not trying to reopen a wound. Your loved one in spirit is trying to help you heal one. And sometimes that healing requires you to sit in the discomfort a little longer instead of running from it. Reminding ourselves that we're not broken because it's hard, that we are human. And being human is quite honestly one of the hardest things that we'll ever do. After that email, I made a decision about how I approach my work. I stopped seeing the pain in the room as something to fix or avoid. Rather, I started seeing it as evidence that something real was happening, that spirit was present, and that a connection was being made that mattered so deeply to that human that's sitting directly across from me. I also made a commitment to myself that I would never let my own discomfort with someone else's pain be the reason I pull back from this work. Because that discomfort is not mine to manage. My job is to hold the space and deliver what spirit shares and trust that the healing happening in that room is exactly what needs to happen. And here's what I want to share with you. If you take one thing from this episode, it's that you don't have to manage your grief. You don't have to make it neater or quieter or more comfortable for the people around you. You're allowed to be in it fully. You're allowed to gasp for air. You're allowed to sit in the discomfort without knowing what comes next. Because on the other side of that discomfort, there is very often an email waiting, a message from spirit, a moment of light that softens your soul. And a sign from your loved one in spirit that reminds you, you're not alone, and you never were. The moments that almost break you are very often the moments that are building something in you that would never have existed any other way. That reading almost made me quit. And it turned out to be one of the most important moments of my entire experience as a medium because it showed me what this work really is. It's not entertainment, it's not a performance, but it's healing, deep, real, transformational healing for people who are carrying the heaviest thing a human can be carrying. So if you're sitting with grief or pain or the weight of a loss that feels too big, I want you to know this. Your loved one in spirit is not quiet. And the healing you are looking for is closer than you think. So if you're ready to take your first step towards hearing from your loved one in spirit clearly, grab my free guided meditation at jennyshanks.com/slash discover. It will help you understand the difference between your ego and your intuition so that you can start recognizing what spirit has already been trying to show you. And if this episode landed for you, I'd be honored for you to leave a review wherever you listen to podcasts. I'll be back next week with another episode of Seriously Dead. Until then, stay open, stay curious, and remember the dead are not quiet. You just have to learn to listen to the